After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
