Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
