he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
