She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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