How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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