i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize