I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
