Got a toothbrush?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize