I skipped work to stalk him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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