WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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