New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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