my sisters under your porch take her home
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
