Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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