Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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