You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
