I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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