She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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