My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
