So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
