well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
