I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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