walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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