seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
