at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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