ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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