I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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