OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
