If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
