He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
