yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
