he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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