Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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