Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
