Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
