just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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