one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
