Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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