Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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