after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
