I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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