Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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