i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
