i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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