You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
