the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize