Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
