Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
