Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
