Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
