Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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