Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
