Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
