I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
