Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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