I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
