hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
