just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
