he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize