My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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