I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
