The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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