I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
