??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Semen is not good for contacts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
