You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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