I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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