wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
