Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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